


Where the Flowers Grow (In Full Bloom)

by sunspritecyj



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 10:27:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13165020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunspritecyj/pseuds/sunspritecyj
Summary: Youngjae suddenly feels uneasy, “What happens in the surgery?”“The surgeons cut out the flowers around your lungs that restrict your breathing. You cut out the flowers and you cut out the feelings. It’s as simple as that. The surgery makes sure you never fall in love with someone again after you go through it. My uncle did it before, that’s why he’s still single and will remain that way until he dies.““He couldn’t get the person he loved to love him back?”Yugyeom answers with a grim “No.”





	Where the Flowers Grow (In Full Bloom)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seventheavenly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seventheavenly/gifts).



> This 2Jae Hanahaki AU is written for the Wang Gae to my Park Gae and the Jackson to my Jinyoung, seventheavenly!  
> PS. Since some were (are) confused, I actually deviated a bit from the usual Hanahaki concept! For this fic, there should be acknowledgement (letting the person you love know about your feelings) and reciprocation (so you can be loved in return thus being cured from the disease).
> 
> For more, Youngjae, Jaebum, Jinyoung and Yugyeom belong to the same age group while Mark is one year their senior. I hope that clears things up a bit! ^^ 
> 
> [Here's](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEz-qn09moc4akh94uUa1Dk9lANVA4wVm) a playlist I've curated to go along with the fic.

* * *

  


“AH! AH! AH! One! Two! Three!” Youngjae stops in his tracks as he rubs his neck and runs his fingers down to the hollow of his throat. He swallows, tongue heavy in his mouth. Is he going to have a sore throat? 

“What’s the matter?” Jaebum asks beside him, worry evident with the way his eyebrows are crossed.

Lately, Youngjae’s getting a certain rawness in his voice. It’s rough in the morning like he’s been singing at the nearest _noraebang_ in town all night. The last time his vocal chords felt like this was when he was undergoing puberty –the creaks of his voice were harmless back then but admittedly, downright embarrassing. However, what he feels at the moment is irritating, it scratches unforgivingly at the back of his throat every time he inhales.

“I don’t know.” Youngjae replies, biting his lower lip.

Jaebum leans in closer, eyes flicking down to where Youngjae’s hands land on his neck. “Do you have a sore throat?”

“I’m not sure, but don’t worry! It’s okay! I’m okay!” Youngjae answers, his fingers still lightly tapping his throat. He needs to go home now before it gets worse.

Jaebum steps into his field of vision and wraps a hand around Youngjae’s wrist, “Of course it’s not okay.”

Youngjae blinks, too baffled to resist, when Jaebum’s left hand yanks Youngjae’s hands away from his neck, his right hand busy unwrapping the red scarf he has been wearing since earlier.

Yugyeom and Jinyoung snorts from behind Youngjae and Jaebum. They watch, amused, as Jaebum invade Youngjae’s personal space, shoving his face closer to Youngjae as he tightly wraps the scarf around the other’s neck.

“Better?” Jaebum asks, hands busily adjusting his scarf on Youngjae’s neck.

Youngjae nods with a blush and somehow, feels his throat getting tighter than ever.

  


* * *

  


“Hey! Kim Yugyeom! Don’t be a stingy brat! Just one bite!” Jaebum shouts from across the practice room, running after Yugyeom and his Jilhal Bros meal.

“Excuse you, Im Jaebum! You have money so go and buy your own meal!” Yugyeom yells back.

Youngjae feels a smile tugging at his lips and he opens his mouth to tell Jaebum that he can have a bite from his meal since it’s the same one as Yugyeom’s –

But then he coughs.

Jinyoung who’s beside him doesn’t notice, and Yugyeom and Jaebum are still bickering at each other, but suddenly Youngjae’s heartbeat sounds loud in his ears.

Youngjae wills himself to breathe slowly and releases the death grip he has on his spoon. It’s just a cough. He’ll make sure to drink some cold medicine again as soon as he reaches home. He clears his throat and turns back his attention to his friends.

Youngjae tries not to think that for a moment there, between the cough and the sting it left behind in his throat, Youngjae swears he can taste plant.

  


* * *

  


Youngjae’s with Yugyeom on his way back home since they take the same bus and it’s all comfortable and quiet until Yugyeom speaks up.

“Do you know the Hanahaki disease?”

Youngjae turns his head away from the window to face Yugyeom, “Hanahaki disease, huh? You know such things?” Youngjae knows little about it, a disease that results from a one-sided love.

“Yes, Hanahaki disease! It’s almost February now so a lot of people will surely get it. You cough up flowers until either your love is reciprocated or you get the surgery to remove it before the petals suffocate you. My mom who works in the hospital told me it’s going to be a busy month. A lot of people opt for the surgery after all,” Yugyeom replies.

“Youngjae suddenly feels uneasy, “What happens in the surgery?”

“The surgeons cut out the flowers around your lungs that restrict your breathing. You cut out the flowers and you cut out the feelings. It’s as simple as that. The surgery makes sure you never fall in love with someone again after you go through it. My uncle did it before, that’s why he’s still single and will remain that way until he dies.“

“He couldn’t get the person he loved to love him back?”

“Yugyeom answers with a grim “No.”

  


* * *

  


“I have to go, Youngjae.”

Jaebum stands a few feet away from him, at the edge of their University rooftop and Youngjae tries to tell him to get away from there, it’s dangerous, but Jaebum doesn’t move and Youngjae’s vision starts to blur. 

“I have to go with them.” Jaebum states after a while and out of nowhere, the girls that Jaebum has dated for the past couple of years came running past Youngjae. Girls Jaebum has dated, short and tall, brunette, blond, black-haired – all pretty and wearing tacky mini skirts and dresses. Why did Jaebum go out with these girls in the first place? The girls start crowding around Jaebum and Youngjae can’t breathe.

Youngjae struggles to run, to snatch Jaebum away from those girls but his legs feel heavy and he can’t focus and there’s a familiar ringing in his ears and everything’s just so loud. Jaebum’s saying something but Youngjae can’t hear him, he can’t reach him, Jaebum’s going to jump from the rooftop and -

Youngjae rolls onto his side, hacking and spitting, gasping violently for air. 

The last pieces of his nightmare shatter under the shrill screaming of his alarm. His one hand has a death grip on his sheets while the other is placed over his chest as he evens out his breathing. 5:39 AM, his alarm reads. It’s still dark outside but Youngjae knows he has to move now if he wishes to arrive at his University on time. 

“Ya! Choi Youngjae! Wake up and turn off your alarm!” He hears his older sister shout from outside his room.

He reaches up and fumbles for his phone, swiping until it falls silent. He doesn’t get up.

Lying in a puddle of spit by his head are light red petals.

  


* * *

  


Youngjae goes to University like usual, but he doesn’t interact with Jinyoung and Yugyeom, _especially_ Jaebum – which is very unusual.

Youngjae goes to University like usual, but he doesn’t think of the petals he hides underneath his bed and the flowers growing inside his chest.

  


* * *

  


Youngjae has never been a confrontational person. So when he’s faced with a dilemma, he pushes it at the back of his mind until he forgets it’s happening in the first place.

Youngjae still wakes up in the morning and there’ll be the same light red petals lying innocently on his pillow. It’s all part of his routine now, gathering the petals with shaky hands and with a blurry vision, flushing them down the toilet, and watching them slowly spin with the water until they completely disappear. How long can he hide this to his family? To his friends? To Jaebum?

He’ll walk to class with Jaebum when they meet at the nearest bus stop in the University because really, how long can he avoid him? He’ll take notes in class, sleep when it’s time for World History, and stare out of the window at the sky a bit before he pretends to be interested in class discussions. When lunch time comes, Jaebum, Jinyoung and Yugyeom will approach his seat and they’ll eat lunch huddled around Youngjae’s desk, knees knocking while throwing bread crumbs or left over rice at each other, the same way they would throw insults at varying times in a day, harsh and ruthless.

Sometimes, Jaebum will be called out by a classmate, something about a girl wanting to talk to him, and Youngjae will force a grin because he knows it’s going to be another confession. He will stop himself from coughing and instead join Jinyoung and Yugyeom in teasing and yelling suggestive remarks to Jaebum.

Jaebum likes girls.

_Girls_

Damn it.

At the end of the day, Youngjae and Yugyeom will still go home together and sometimes Jinyoung and Jaebum would tag along just to eat at the quaint ramen shop across Yugyeom’s home.

It’s all very normal.

Youngjae has no trouble ignoring the growing thickness in his windpipe and the difficulty in breathing that accompanies it. Youngjae pretends it’s his allergies acting up when he feels the itchiness at the back of his nose from the pollen. He knows when he has to excuse himself from everyone else to go to the washroom to cough up more petals. It’s all second nature now. It’s no big deal.

He can handle it.

He can handle it when Jaebum drops the smile reserved for his fan girls and grins wide and unabashedly towards him. He doesn’t stare when Jaebum stretches and groans; all satisfied after Yugyeom relents and lets him have a bite of his food. He looks away when Jaebum drags the bottom of his shirt across his forehead during their practice, wiping the sweat that forms on his face after long hours of dancing. Youngjae tells himself that his heart doesn’t do back flips when Jaebum hangs all over his back when they walk anywhere, whining about the last remnants of winter chill and how he needs Youngjae’s squishy body to keep him warm. Youngjae complains but deep inside, he wants more time with Jaebum like this. _A little while more,_ he prays before going to sleep, hoping he doesn’t die tomorrow.

He’s been handling it for a while, now that he thinks about it.

Absolutely nothing to worry about.

Youngjae starts to believe the little lies he tells himself until the amount of petals in his chest starts multiplying at an alarming rate.

  


* * *

  


When Youngjae finally shows up to the doctor one day, he knows it might be too late.

Dr. Kim, Yugyeom’s mother, looks at him worriedly when he shows her the petals and she sends him into the next room for an x-ray. It took a lot of courage for Youngjae to request for Yugyeom’s mother. Youngjae thinks he would rather entrust his life to someone he knows. He made her promise him that she’s not going to tell it to Yugyeom or anyone of the matter. Bound by the oath she took when she officially became a doctor, Dr. Kim promises that he will not tell Yugyeom about Youngjae coming for a check-up. It will just be between the two of them. At least for now, or until Youngjae decides it’s fine to let the others know. The results come back and Youngjae thinks he can’t lie to himself anymore.

It’s real, and the flowers blooming on his chest affirm the fact that yes, he’s indeed in love with Im Jaebum.

Dr. Kim’s talking about the disease, the development and the symptoms but there’s a muffled feeling to the noise in the room like he’s wearing something that clogs his hearing.

A bitter laugh escapes Youngjae’s mouth. When did he even fall in love with that one-bite idiot? He can’t even remember the first time he looked at Jaebum and thought, _he really looks like an idiot but I’d kiss him, given the chance._

Youngjae looks at the black and white slides, takes in the way the flowers grow unrestrained inside him. Is this how his love for Jaebum looks like? It’s beautiful. Deadly, literally and figuratively, but definitely beautiful. He’s not even sure if he wants to have them removed. It’s the physical manifestation of his love and he wants to keep it with him, even at the cost of his life.

Dr. Kim takes out the small calendar placed inside her drawer and looks at Youngjae over her glasses, “So, Youngjae-ya, when do you want your surgery to take place?"

Youngjae bites his lower lip as Yugyeom’s voice rings inside his head; _the surgery makes sure you never fall in love with someone again after you go through it._

At that moment Youngjae thinks in surrender, _how unfair life is to be this cruel._

  


* * *

  


“Jinyoung, do you know where Jaebum is? I bought the strawberry milk he has been asking since morning.” Youngjae asks Jinyoung, raising the strawberry milk in his hand for Jinyoung to see.

“Did you not see him? He went after you.”

Youngjae says a quick _I’ll be back_ before he turns on his heel and goes back to where the vending machines are two floors down the University building beside the gymnasium.

Youngjae walks through the deserted hallway and sees the vending machines, but there are no broad shoulders in sight, so he opens his mouth, ready to call out “ONE BITE IM JAEBUM!!!” at the top of his lungs when he hears muffled voices.

“…we were in the same class before and when I saw you perform with your friends during last year’s annual University fair, I thought you were really cool and handsome, Jaebum-ssi – “

Youngjae stills and the familiar ache in his throat is back and he wonders if it’s already too late to return to the lecture room but he wants to see it this time. How girls confess to Jaebum repeatedly, knowing that they would get rejected in the end. Jaebum hasn’t had a girlfriend since their performance last year and he’s never gone for long without one.

He knows it’s terrible to eavesdrop but his life is on the line here, so Youngjae peeks around the corner, hands fisted at his sides. The girl this time is from their class last year; sits at the front row and their class beadle. She’s cute, her height reaching just under Jaebum’s chin and she’s slim and curvy in all the right places. One look at her built and you’ll know she does gymnastics.

She’s totally Jaebum’s type, now that he thinks about it.

It’s Bae Suzy.

Youngjae hates to admit it but…they look nice together.

Youngjae’s having a death wish if he keeps on watching the scene in front of him. He feels the petals building in his lungs again and he doesn’t move from his spot when a sudden realization hits him.

What if Jaebum accepts the confession this time?

Youngjae shakes his head, forcefully trying to stop himself from over thinking. He panics when the petals start crawling out of his mouth and Youngjae has to run to the gymnasium beside the building, diving behind a wall just in time to vomit light red flowers.

Flowers.

They’re not just petals this time.

They’re whole _flowers._

“Oh my god.”

Youngjae’s head snaps up and the blood drains from his face when he finds Mark Tuan leaning against the wall, a horrified look on his typically stoic face. Mark is one year his senior and even though they shared a few classes together, he knows nothing about the man aside from the fact that he’s from the University gymnastics team.

Gymnastics. Bae Suzy.

Im Jaebum.

Jaebum and Suzy, _together._

He feels like vomiting again.

“Oh my _god,_!” Mark says again, and his hands fumble in the pockets of his pants. “Youngjae, do – do you need me to take you to the nurse’s clinic? Or should I just – I’ll just call the ambulance – “

Youngjae flings out a hand to grab Mark’s arm, “No no no, please Hyung, I’ll be fine.”

Mark faces him and Youngjae is alarmed by the look of concern in his eyes.

“Youngjae, those are full-bloom flowers. They’re all covered with blood.”

Youngjae frowns, confused, and Mark says, “That’s one step away from being suffocated to death.”

“How’d you-“

“I’ve seen it many times before, and believe me, if you still want to live, you better go to the hospital now or – “

“I know. I’ll be fine, Hyung.” Youngjae repeats in resignation.

Mark sucks in a sharp breath and nods slowly. Youngjae lets go of his arm, turning back to the flowers. He supposes he could throw them into the bushes behind them and call it done. Jinyoung might worry if he’s out “looking” for Jaebum for too long.

Youngjae crouches down and starts gathering the bloodied flowers into his hands.

Shoes appear at the corner of his vision and Mark kneels down beside him, his big hands steadily scooping up the bloodied flowers too.

“Oh no! You don’t have to do that, Hyung. It’s unhygienic!” Youngjae exclaims and he’s so close to tearing up. He must look like an idiot now. In front of Mark-hyung of all people.

Mark just shakes his head and Youngjae knows better than to argue because of picking up bloodied flowers. So, he lets Mark be, though his mind is spinning with the thought that now someone knows of his condition aside from him and Dr. Kim.

The clean-up goes quickly and in silence and the flowers are dumped into the bushes. Mark pulls a packet of hand tissues from his pocket and offers one to Youngjae. Youngjae tries to stop himself from laughing, he forgets how Mark is actually a neat freak, how many classes did they share together before?

“How do you know about the disease? If it’s okay to ask.” Youngjae’s curious as to why Mark acts like what he just witnessed is something that he encounters on a daily basis.

Mark fiddles with his tissue, rolls it up, tosses it in the air repeatedly as if juggling an imaginary ball.

“I know someone who got to your stage and he became really tired of it all. He spends more time unconscious than awake, so he tries his best to sleep instead. At least while he’s in slumber, he won’t spend a minute coughing or throwing up.”

Youngjae refuses to glance at Mark. His mind tells him not to, it’s a heavy topic they’re discussing and he might not be ready for what he’s going to see. “He didn’t confess?” Youngjae asks instead.

Mark laughs, it’s bitter and Youngjae tries to ignore the fact that it sounds exactly like his, “He wanted to. He tried.”

Youngjae doesn’t comment on the crack in Mark’s voice at the last word. He stares at the trees in front of them instead. “What happens, then?”

Mark slumps back against the wall, head bowed. “He wasn’t able to tell the person in the end.”

“What? Why not?”

“It was too late. He keeps on trying to buy time for himself. Not knowing that the more he waited for the right time, the more he’s letting his chances slip away. At one point, maybe he’s just really trying to run away.”

They fall into a silence, and Youngjae doesn’t know what to say, can’t say anything because—

_Running away._

_Is he running away too?_

Youngjae pretended he doesn’t have the disease even if the symptoms are there – present and obvious. Even when Dr. Kim showed him his x-ray results, showed him the way the stems have wrapped themselves snugly around his lungs, showed him how deep the roots are and how the petals bloom faster and faster each passing day, he still couldn’t give her a date for the surgery. He told her he wanted to face his feelings head on first. But what is he doing right now? Hiding behind a wall after he saw someone doing what he’s supposed to be doing.

“How’s that person now?” Youngjae wants to know – needs to know.

“He’s okay now. He doesn’t know if he’s going to love someone the same way he loved his first love but he hopes in the future, he can find someone to be with too.”

“Hey! I know once you’ve done the surgery, you can never love a person ever again. You can’t feel the emotions falling and being in love has to offer.”

Mark flashes a playful smile this time, toothy grin in its full glory for Youngjae to see, “Youngjae, didn’t anybody tell you not to trust science so much? No one really knows. Heck, the doctors don’t even have the “best” solution for this disease aside from the surgery. Who knows? Those who chose to undergo the surgery might feel something again. Might fall in love with someone again.”

Youngjae gives him a teasing look, “How do you know so much about this disease, huh, Mark-hyung?”

Mark’s toothy grin disappears and the solemn look on his face is back and Youngjae regrets asking a rather personal question. What if it’s one of his siblings? Or a relative like Yugyeom’s or – 

“It’s me, Youngjae. I underwent the surgery.”

  


* * *

  


Youngjae doesn’t attend their dance practice that day. It’s unusual for him to skip practice but he knows he’s only going to trip and fall on his butt if he goes with his mind clouded with thoughts of coughing and dying. Instead, he tells Jaebum, Jinyoung and Yugyeom he’s heading home right away since he’s not feeling well. Jinyoung and Yugyeom don’t think too much of it, waving bye to him and yelling “Take it easy!” and “I hope your sore throat goes away soon!”

_It will never go away_ , Youngjae wants to say but he simply smiles and waves back.

Jaebum looks at him or _them_ oddly, something dark present in his eyes when he sees Mark waiting for Youngjae outside of their practice room but Youngjae doesn’t stay longer to know what it means especially with Mark excitedly telling him, “Hey! I’d like to show you a picture of my dog, Coco! She’s so cute! I know you would love her!”

  


* * *

  


“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Mark lately,” Jaebum comments one day as Youngjae’s done packing his things and ready to call Mark who’s busy playing with his phone outside the practice room.

A week passed since the incident near the gymnasium and Youngjae’s been spending a lot of time with Mark. Youngjae attends dance practice again like usual but he immediately leaves right after to hang out at Mark’s place and play with Coco.

“Let him be.” Jinyoung interjects. “It’s the first time in years that he’s hanging out with someone other than us three, and it’s a senior too! Let him expand his social circle. And it’s Mark- _hyung_ to you, Jaebum-ah.”

Youngjae beams at Jinyoung before telling Jaebum, “I’ll make it up to you guys! But for now I must visit Coco again! Goodbye!” And just like that Youngjae’s gone and Jaebum doesn’t miss the spring in his steps when he approaches Mark.

“He doesn’t react that way whenever I mention Nora!” Jaebum complains to Jinyoung when Mark and Youngjae are out of sight.

Jinyoung gives him a pointed look before saying, “Oho? Is this really about Nora?”

Jaebum doesn’t have time to react when Yugyeom tackles him from behind, “That’s enough, it’s time for another after-practice Jilhal Bros meal! Come on, yo!”

  


* * *

  


“Thanks, Hyung.” Youngjae whispers to Mark out of the blue while they’re sitting quietly beside each other on the train. Mark’s eyes are closed but he’s not sleeping and Youngjae knows it and thinks it’s a good time to tell Mark what he’s meaning to tell him since the unsightly incident with the bloodied flowers.

Mark’s house is one hour away from the University by train and it’s not really the most convenient mode of transportation for Youngjae who takes the bus every day but he doesn’t mind the hassle and the long travel time as long as he can keep his mind off of Jaebum for a while.

“What for?” Mark’s eyes remain closed but Youngjae doesn’t miss the smile forming on the other’s lips.

“For everything, I guess? For helping me when I threw up flowers, for introducing Coco to me…for being my friend?” Youngjae adds the last part tentatively, unsure if they’re really friends at this point. “Somehow, not spending a lot of time with Jaebum lessens the burn in my throat and I can breathe more comfortably now.”

_But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss him._ Youngjae left that part out but the thought still manages to cause a dull ache in his chest.

Ever since the throwing-up-whole-flowers incident took place, the two became closer, especially when Youngjae opens up about his diagnosis of the Hanahaki disease, the person he’s harboring feelings for and his decision to postpone the surgery.

Mark opens his eyes this time while flashing his signature smile, the same toothy grin Youngjae has grown accustomed to since spending a lot of time with the older, “That’s what friends do, alright? But you can’t avoid him forever, you know. Your life is still on the line here, understood?” Mark warns.

“Yes, I understand! Mark-hyung, I didn’t know you can be such a mom?” Youngjae teases.

“Why you-“ Mark moves to hit the younger playfully but as he watches Youngjae’s eyes turn to crescents and his laughter fills his ears, Mark can’t help but think, _It must be nice to fall in love with someone again._

  


* * *

  


Jaebum’s standing next to the main gate by the time Youngjae arrives at the University. Youngjae glances at his watch and he knows he’s already fifteen minutes late to class. The question is why is Jaebum here outside? He should be in the lecture room by now. Who might he be waiting?

Youngjae quietly walks towards Jaebum and is surprised when the other immediately recognizes him from afar.

“Youngjae, you’re late.” Jaebum points out.

“And so are you.” Youngjae pouts, he doesn’t know why but it’s his automatic reaction whenever someone would pick on him because he’s always late.

Jaebum laughs at this and _wow,_ Youngjae thinks, he misses the sound of Jaebum’s laughter.

He misses Jaebum.

He misses this – just the two of them together.

“Let’s go.” Jaebum says when his laughter dies down.

Jaebum doesn’t say a single thing and the walk to the lecture room is done without any conversation, something Youngjae is grateful for. He doesn’t think he could focus on anything but trying to halt the impending cough he’s going to let out if Jaebum speaks again, or laughs again, whichever comes first.

“If something happens to you, I’ll be the one to know first, right?”

There’s a curious tone in Jaebum’s voice and Youngjae snorts, not bothering to answer and Jaebum huffs but drops it.

For _seven_ damn seconds. 

“Ya Choi Young–“

“Like what?” Youngjae demands softly, facing Jaebum this time.

Jaebum looks back at him and continues, “Well, you know….the hanahaki….falling in love with someone…”

Youngjae isn’t expecting that answer from Jaebum so he hides his nervousness with a laugh, slipping his hands deeper in his coat, “Why this topic suddenly, Jaebum-ah? Developing a crush?”

“Of course not!” Jaebum exclaims defensively. “It’s just that Yugyeom’s warning everyone about it. _‘It’s worse than the bubonic plague! A lot of people die from not being loved in return so be careful!’_ ” It’s the worst Yugyeom impersonation Youngjae has ever heard from Jaebum but he has no time to comment when Jaebum clings unexpectedly to his right arm while proceeding to prop his chin on his shoulders, looking directly at him with those deep brown eyes.

_This is not good,_ Youngjae gulps.

Without any warning, Jaebum lets go of his arm and hangs on Youngjae’s back like he always does, hands reaching out to pinch Youngjae’s “flabs” - fats covering his supposedly abs.

“YA! IM JAEBUM!” Youngjae shouts in alarm, bag now thrown on the floor, as he tries to pry Jaebum’s hands away, all the while chanting repeatedly on his mind, _Please don’t let me throw up flowers. Please don’t let me throw up flowers._

Jaebum stops but he doesn’t let go and Youngjae breathes out oh so slowly, willing the prickling warmth of his blush to subside.

_Jaebum wants me dead._

Youngjae breathes nervously when he feels Jaebum’s arms wrapping around his waist with his face resting on his neck. Youngjae tries to get a look at Jaebum but the more he moves the more Jaebum’s hold around him tightens.

Jaebum lets out a short laugh, filled with something Youngjae can’t put a name to, and buries his face further into Youngjae’s neck, raising goosebumps on Youngjae’s sensitive skin.

“Somehow, Youngjae, I feel like I’m losing you.”

  


* * *

  


Youngjae wakes up the next day with a terrible headache and a hoarse throat. A combination of light red and crimson red flowers and petals cover every inch of his bed and they spill even on his floor. Since when did he start throwing up crimson red flowers? His pillow cases are soaked with blood and he rushes to his bathroom when he feels a series of coughing fit coming.

Jaebum's _Somehow I feel like I'm losing you_ keeps on replaying in his head and Youngjae cries this time, doesn't stop the tears from falling and whispers, “Do you know that I'm losing myself because of you, too?”

  


* * *

  


"It’s getting worse, Youngjae-ya. I can only give you three more weeks. Anymore than that and you're really putting yourself in danger." Dr. Kim says, looking at Youngjae's latest x-ray results.

"Is there anything I can do...to prolong my life without having to subject myself to surgery?" Youngjae bargains, hands uneasy on his lap.

Dr. Kim stares at him disapprovingly.

"Higher dosage of cough drops?" he tries again.

Dr. Kim sighs.

"Have you been spending a lot of time with Jaebum lately?"

Youngjae instantly remembers the feeling of Jaebum's arms wrapping tightly around his waist, he feels warm and safe in his hold and – 

The coughing begins again.

Dr. Kim shakes his head. She stands from behind her table, walks slowly towards Youngjae and sits on the chair in front of him.

Youngjae remains silent as Dr. Kim reaches for his hands, gripping them tightly.

"I know it's going to be extremely difficult from now on but being in close proximity with Jaebum will only exacerbate your condition. If just the thought of him is enough to send you on a coughing fit, how much more if you spend time with him more than necessary?"

Youngjae can feel the tears welling up in his eyes again.

"Yugyeom tells me your final exams are scheduled next week. You can rest the following week and do everything you want to do until we set your surgery after that."

Youngjae nods, he completely understands his situation but, "Dr. Kim, please tell me, why is it that we, the people who love but aren't loved in return, have to be the ones to die? Isn't it unfair?” Youngjae blurts out in between sobs, “We just happen to love someone unexpectedly, it's even beyond our control, but why?! Is this punishment for wanting someone we can't have? Isn't this too cruel, Dr. Kim? Please, please, please, answer me. I can't - I can't accept this!"

Youngjae's breaking down on Dr. Kim's arms and she wishes she knows the answer to Youngjae's questions. Rubbing Youngjae's back in a comforting manner in an attempt to calm him down, Dr. Kim can only hope that patients who suffer the Hanahaki disease will come to understand that doctors' knowledge and capabilities are limited and they can only do so much. Even with their expertise and specializations, there are still a lot of things that they don't know nor understand - most especially if it concerns the matters of the heart.

  


* * *

  


Avoiding Jaebum is futile, Youngjae shouldn't even try. Exams are coming and Yugyeom will do everything in his power to convince Youngjae, Jaebum and Jinyoung to have a group study session - even if it means treating - more like bribing - the group at a fancy Korean restaurant. What he should do right now is slowly but surely accept the fact that maybe, he's really going to die...or maybe he should just agree to the surgery and get this over with.

Youngjae's thoughts are interrupted when he hears Jaebum calling out to him from outside the public washroom.

"Youngjae, are you done? Yugyeom's already waiting for us at the restaurant!"

Youngjae wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, staring down at the mix of light red and crimson red flowers in the toilet. It's starting to get really tiring. With a sigh, he flushes the toilet and steps out of the stall. He rinses his hands, grabbing a paper towel to dry them off while walking towards Jaebum's direction.

"Youngjae! You look really pale! Are you okay? I can call Yugyeom and tell him we – " Youngjae doesn't miss Jaebum's use of _we_ instead of _you_ and he hates how it's enough to make his heart go into overdrive " – can't make it. Exams are coming up you can't get sick." Jaebum says in concern as he takes in Youngjae's appearance. _Did he get thinner?_

Youngjae brushes him off with a laugh, "Says the guy who is as pale as me, oh scratch that, paler than me and who's about to fall asleep even while standing up."

Jaebum's about to retort when he starts coughing and Youngjae's eyes widen in alarm. Could Jaebum…be? 

"Hey, Youngjae! Do you have your cough drops with you? You've been coughing like crazy too so I know you have some. Aish, I forgot to bring my umbrella last night and it starts pouring real hard but I need to get home fast so - "

"Yeah, yeah, hold on," Youngjae interrupts Jaebum as he searches for his bag for cough drops. He feels so stupid for a second there. Of course Jaebum wouldn't have the Hanahaki. He's the one receiving the love here and not the other way around. Thank the heavens he still has the regular cough drops he was using before he was officially diagnosed. As he reaches for the cough drops at the deepest part of his bag, his hand lands on a familiar red scarf he doesn't know he has been keeping for so long.

Handing the cough drops to Jaebum with a simple "here", immediately followed by a "thanks" from the same man, Youngjae takes the red scarf out from his bag and thinks _to hell with it._

Without a word, Youngjae steps closer to Jaebum and swiftly wraps the scarf around him. He catches a whiff of Jaebum's mint shampoo and it's enough to make him feel lightheaded.

There's a faint pink forming across Jaebum's cheeks after that but Youngjae convinces himself it's because of the cold and not because of what he did.

"Better?" Youngjae asks this time around.

"The best." Jaebum answers shortly and Youngjae feels his breath being knocked out of him when Jaebum's eyes disappear into thin lines followed by a blindingly broad smile. 

  


* * *

  


When Youngjae and Jaebum arrive at the restaurant, they didn't expect Mark to be there.

"Oh, Youngjae-ya!!!" Mark greets excitedly at first, "Come sit here." he adds, tapping the seat beside him.

Youngjae shoots Jaebum a glance before he approaches Mark.

"Mark-hyung, what are you doing here?"

"I was planning on eating alone for lunch but Jinyoung here approached me and introduced himself as your friend and Yugyeom invited me to join you guys. I hope I'm not intruding?"

Before he can answer, Yugyeom butts in, "Of course, you're welcome to join us Mark-hyung! Right, Jaebum-ah?"

Jaebum is surprised to hear his name being mentioned so he just nods in response. He's still standing, undecided whether he should sit beside Youngjae or Jinyoung, but in the end decides to prop himself next to Youngjae.

Jinyoung raises an eyebrow but Jaebum pays him no mind.

The group orders their food and it's mostly Yugyeom who's speaking; entertaining and educating Mark after he found out that the older is from the States.

"Today, we're cooking live octopus by ourselves and it's going to be fun and do you know Mark-hyung that Youngjae's from Mokpo and he's the one who usually cooks it for us so maybe you can ask him to cook it for you this time?" Yugyeom tells Mark without pause and Jinyoung's trying to stop himself from punching Yugyeom in the face. They’re in the presence of their senior and he has an image to uphold.

Taking in what Yugyeom said, Mark spares Jaebum a side-glance before he faces Youngjae and asks oh-so-sweetly, "Youngjae, will you cook the octopus for me?"

Youngjae who's silently drinking water this time, chokes. _Hard._

Youngjae gapes at Mark and he doesn’t know why but he turns at Jaebum afterwards but Jaebum just gave him the he's-asking-you-not-me look.

"O-ok! I pride myself as Mokpo's child, after all! This is nothing!" Youngjae agrees in the end. It's not like he can refuse Mark. He simply wishes Jaebum had another reaction other than giving him that look. Jaebum knows his discomfort when it comes to cooking live octopus and often times would volunteer to do it himself when he senses Yugyeom playing a prank on Youngjae again. Youngjae feels let down and a bit betrayed.

Soon, the food arrives with the seafood stock and the live octopus. Youngjae takes this as his cue to reach out for the tongs and the scissors. Damn, Yugyeom. He may have gotten used to cutting live octopus by now but it doesn't mean he enjoys doing so.

Youngjae stands up to get the bowl with the live octopus in it and he shudders as he takes in its massive size. With a gulp, Youngjae grabs the live octopus from the bowl and into the boiling stock using the tongs. The octopus wrestles with the tongs and unable to hide his fear anymore, he yells, "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Please let go."

Jaebum can't bear to witness Youngjae's distress any longer. _I shouldn’t have let him cook,_ Jaebum says to himself, his angry jaw jutting out horribly. He leans forward to get the tongs from Youngjae's grip but unfortunately, Mark was able to get a hold of them faster than him.

"It's okay. I'll do it from here, Youngjae-ya."

Youngjae breathes a sigh of relief and out of gratitude, he clings to Mark's shoulder shouting, "You're the best, Hyung!"

Jaebum tries to look away but what he catches instead is the way Jinyoung glances at him from across the table, something close to _too slow_ reflected in his eyes.

Yugyeom’s definitely going to receive a beating after this.

  


* * *

  


He feels like _shit_ , Youngjae acknowledges for the first time since he’s been diagnosed with the disease. It is lunch time but he’s not in their lecture room and he fears Jinyoung would launch a search party for him if he doesn’t get back any minute from now.

Youngjae’s back in the most isolated washroom near the University gymnasium and he locks himself in the stall as he pukes and pukes and _pukes._ He’s on his knees, hands gripping tightly on the toilet bowl as if his life depends on it. He feels exhausted. He’s thrown up flowers that are three times more than the amount he normally coughs out in a day. There’s so much blood and his insides feel all mashed up from his abdomen tensing over and over again.

Youngjae’s really going to die at this point. He needs to tell Jaebum as soon as possible. He can’t keep on doing this to himself. It doesn’t matter if Jaebum doesn’t reciprocate it – he’s not hoping anyway – he just needs to get this off his chest, move on, and set a date for the surgery with Dr. Kim.

There’s a knock on his stall door. Youngjae tenses, leans his head against the other side of the door, eyes falling shut. 

“Hey? Are you okay? Do you need to go to the nurse’s?” The voice is familiar and Youngjae relaxes.

“Mark – hyung?”

“Youngjae? Is that you?” Mark says uncertainly, “Are you throwing up flowers again?”

Mark knocks again, impatience evident with the way his knuckles are tapping the door repeatedly when Youngjae did not respond.

The stall door opens and Youngjae offers Mark a small smile.

“You look like you’ve been to hell and back.”

Before Youngjae can respond with, _I know, Hyung. You don’t have to tell me,_ crimson petals start crawling out of his mouth again and he falls on Mark, coughing blood violently on the older’s shirt. There’s more blood than petals now and Youngjae wishes that if he would die at this moment, he’d rather die on Jaebum’s arms.

“I’m going to send you to the nurse’s –“

“No, hyung please – “

“YOUNGJAE?!”

Youngjae turns his head away from Mark’s chest, only to see Jaebum standing near the washroom door, his face etched with horror. So maybe Jinyoung _did_ launch a search party for him after all. Mark’s back faces Jaebum so he doesn’t see the flower petals nor the blood stains but what he sees instead is the sight of Youngjae lying helplessly on Mark.

Youngjae’s breathing is labored, his eyes are tired from crying and he can’t stop Jaebum now from finding out. He lies still in Mark’s arms, eyes shut as he hears Jaebum’s frantic steps approaching them.

“Jaebum, stop.” Mark says with a stern voice, effectively halting Jaebum in his tracks. “Youngjae doesn’t feel good and he feels faint so it’s best not to overcrowd him.” Mark slowly removes his oversized jacket, drapes it over Youngjae, and scoops the younger gently, one arm under Youngjae’s legs and the other supporting his back, “I’ll take him to the clinic.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“No, Jaebum. Go back to your class. Lunch is over. You can visit him after your dismissal.”

Mark’s words are final and left no room for argument. Jaebum stands still near the door as Mark walked passed him, carrying Youngjae delicately in his arms.

When they’re out of the washroom, Youngjae raises his head weakly, glances over Mark’s shoulder and sees the look of worry and hurt in Jaebum’s face. Youngjae notices the dark circles under Jaebum’s eyes and the obvious drop in his weight too. Is he still sick from being drenched under the rain? Is he taking flu medicines properly? Is he sleeping well? 

Youngjae gives Jaebum a reassuring smile and mouths _I’ll be fine_ before he settles his head back on Mark’s chest. He’s the one dying but why is he more concerned about Jaebum’s well being than his? Youngjae closes his eyes thinking, it’s silly, how he would choose to continually vomit flowers and throw up blood in secrecy than to see Jaebum in that agonizing state, worrying about him.

  


* * *

  


“These flowers are really pretty. Too pretty and harmless for something that’s going to kill me.” Youngjae muses, playing with the dried petals left on his own shirt. When Youngjae opens his eyes earlier, he was greeted by the sight of white walls and ceiling, all pristine and serene. He knows Mark has successfully sent him to the nurse’s clinic this time.

“How are you feeling?” Mark asks beside him, sitting at the chair near the bed he’s currently lying on. 

“I’m fine. Thank you, Mark-hyung. What would I do without you?” Youngjae jokes. 

Mark smiles, his canine teeth showing, “I’m surprised by my timing, actually. I can’t imagine what would happen if I ended my practice in the gym…a little later…” he trails off. 

Youngjae and Mark fall into silence after that, both of them not wanting to discuss the implications of what might have happened if things happened a little too late.

Mark’s the first to break the silence, “Do you know what kind of flowers you’re throwing up?

“No. Aren’t they all the same?”

Mark laughs, “Stupid! It’s not the same for everyone. Flowers play a diverse role in human life and there are meanings associated with them. Most often than not, they serve as a representation of the people we fall in love with.”

“So what kind of flower is associated with the one you fell in love with before, Mark – hyung?”

“Daffodils.” Mark replies curtly.

Youngjae stares longingly at the window on the other side of his bed. Watching as the clouds change their form, Youngjae wonders what these light red and crimson red petals he holds carefully in his hands mean for Jaebum and possibly for him too.

  


* * *

  


Youngjae’s room is dark, save from the dim light that is coming from his laptop. It’s 1:31 AM and Youngjae’s still up, clicking his mouse every now and then, browsing websites after websites about a particular light red flower that turns into crimson red over time.

Youngjae left the clinic one hour before his class ends when Mark mentions that Jaebum and his friends might drop by after dismissal. He’s not ready to face Jaebum again and he knows Jinyoung and Yugyeom will barrage him with questions and that’s the least he wants to deal with right now. 

“Light red carnations symbolize admiration and when given to someone would mean ‘I admire and care for you’. On the other hand, crimson red carnations symbolize deep love and affection. Giving someone crimson red carnations is an indirect way of telling that person, ‘I love you’.” Youngjae reads softly, barely above whisper.

Carnations. They’re _carnations_ after all.

Carnations are also the birth flower of those born on January. Now it registers to Youngjae how this flower is connected to Jaebum in some way. He has no clue the flowers he’s throwing up hold such meanings. To think that the light red flowers are turning into crimson red flowers in a short amount of time, it only shows how his admiration for Jaebum has progressed into something as deep as love – romantic love.

He is suddenly reminded of the times he would flush the flowers in the toilet without a second thought, throws them behind bushes, and to think he’s pondering on having them removed through surgery too! It’s as if he’s throwing away his love for Jaebum carelessly, and it pains him having to realize it in this way.

Youngjae extends his hand to get a single light red carnation from the growing pile of light red and crimson red carnations on the left side of his desk beside his laptop. He spins the flower by its stem between his fingers, leans back on his chair and smiles wryly. What happens when he stops throwing up light red carnations and all that’s left are crimson red carnations? Does that also mean his time is –

Youngjae shakes his head. 

He’s definitely going to confess to Jaebum before that happens.

  


* * *

  


It’s the last day of the exams but instead of feeling joy and excitement because _finally freedom_ Youngjae feels a sense of dread.

He’s going to confess today.

Youngjae gets back to the examination hall after another episode of throwing up in the washroom and he finds Yugyeom and Jinyoung whispering furiously with each other.

“You guys look suspicious.” Youngjae says, dropping into his seat between them.

“You’re the one who’s suspicious. Remind me again who’s the one who has yet to explain why they were rushed to the clinic last week? By Mark-hyung nonetheless?” Yugyeom counters, a mischievous glint present in his eyes.

Jinyoung shoves Yugyeom behind Youngjae’s back and Yugyeom yelps with a loud “Ouch!”

“We’re all worried about you. Jaebum’s really worried about you. Have you talked to him yet?” Jinyoung inquires, satisfied by what he did to Yugyeom.

Youngjae glances at his watch, there’s still 8 minutes left before their next exam starts. He doesn’t want to entertain this conversation.

After the incident in the washroom with Jaebum and Mark, Youngjae does his best to keep his interaction with Jaebum to a minimum. He’s actually relieved that it’s exam season so he easily leaves after he submits his tests and then proceeds to hide in the library. He’s been ignoring Yugyeom’s messages of _Youngjae we’re at our usual spot in the field, come here and share your notes!_ and disregarding Jinyoung’s phone calls too. Where’s the resolve he had that night when he discovered the meaning behind the carnations?

Youngjae’s thankful Jaebum’s not present right now. He’s exempted from taking the exams scheduled on the last day. He’s handsome, he sings and dances well and he’s intelligent too. What else can’t he do?

“I’m just a little sick that’s all. I haven’t talked to him yet, but I will after the exams are over.”

“You better be. I’m so tired of dealing with an idiot like Yugyeom, I don’t need another two to look after,” Jinyoung rolls his eyes dramatically. “I’m dropping by his apartment later, will you come?”

Youngjae knows he can’t talk properly, much less confess to Jaebum, if Jinyoung’s there. “I still have something to do later this afternoon, so you go on ahead. I’ll come over at night, I guess.” 

He can sense that Jinyoung’s not buying what he said but he’s grateful when Jinyoung decides to drop the subject.

But of course, Yugyeom can’t take a _fucking_ hint. 

“Youngjae, don’t be offended ok? You look _awful._ Jaebum looks like you too, but worse. Why don’t you and Jaebum go for a check-up tomorrow?”

Youngjae’s brows furrowed and he faces Jinyoung to ask for Jaebum’s condition. Before he could do so, the proctor for their next exam enters the hall. Youngjae tries to pay no heed when he feels his gut twist and chest tighten.

Something does not feel right.

  


* * *

  


“I have to tell you something.” Youngjae says, shyly peeking at the taller male in front of him.

It’s past 5:30 in the afternoon and Youngjae just finished his last exam. He’s one of the few people left inside the examination hall. Jinyoung’s still busy scribbling and sighing as he writes on the exam paper. Yugyeom’s in the same state as Jinyoung but Youngjae knows it’s for a different reason. While Jinyoung’s aiming to _perfect_ the exam, Yugyeom's aiming to _pass_ it. He’s about to go back home before he heads to Jaebum’s apartment when he receives a call. When he sees the caller ID, he immediately panics and rushes in front of the examination hall. 

Youngjae nervously chews on his lower lip, eyes briefly closing as he takes in a deep breath.

“Sure, what is it?” the male in front shot him a grin and that one causes Youngjae’s stomach to flutter, he has to admit.

“I really…l-like you..l-lo-love you even! A lot…” Youngjae stutters and he wants to berate himself for it. “I-it’s okay…you don’t have to like me back. I just want to let you know and have no regrets…AHHHHH! Ugh! Ugh!” Youngjae raises his arms out of frustration while stomping his feet angrily on the ground, “I can’t do this! I can’t do this! I’ll just have the carnations delivered to Jaebum’s apartment with a note.”

Mark chuckles heartily and Youngjae pouts at him. Whose idea is it again that they practice?

“No, that won’t do. You have to tell Jaebum properly.” Mark says, handing the bouquet of crimson red carnations to Youngjae.

Youngjae forgets that he asked Mark to help him get the bouquet he ordered at the nearest flower shop around University. The flower shop closes early on weekdays so Youngjae’s afraid he won’t make it to collect the flowers himself.

“What would I do without you again, Mark-hyung?”

Mark smiles before he looks at Youngjae affectionately, “Don’t forget. You owe me big time, alright?”

Youngjae gives Mark that expression where his eyes turn into two crescents and his smile reaches his ears.

_If I could still feel something, I bet I could feel my heart being shred to pieces right now,_ Mark thinks solemnly.

“Youngjae-ya you have me on speed dial if something happens, right?”

Youngjae nods enthusiastically, bowing slightly to smell the bouquet of crimson red carnations in his hands.

Mark moves closer to Youngjae, one hand inside his pocket and the other softly patting Youngjae's head.

“Remember to breathe, okay? You’ll be fine.”

Youngjae wants to reply with _Yes, Mom,_ but then he hears a commotion inside the examination hall and out of curiosity goes back inside with Mark in tow. 

  


* * *

  


“Where’s Youngjae?” Jaebum asks as soon as he enters the examination hall, both hands gripping the straps of his backpack tightly. Jinyoung and Yugyeom are done packing their things and are ready to leave when they hear Jaebum’s voice.

“He left early. What brings you here? I’m supposed to drop by your apartment, right? And what’s with the back pack? Going somewhere?” Jinyoung asks back in confusion.

“I need to talk to Youngjae. Our Tekken rematch can wait.”

Jinyoung smiles, knowing exactly what Jaebum means by _talking_ to Youngjae, but then Yugyeom suddenly speaks beside him.

“Youngjae? He’s still outside, talking to Mark-hyung.”

Yugyeom points out of the window and Jaebum leans over scanning the figures at the direction of Yugyeom’s finger.

Youngjae is indeed talking to Mark. They’re standing together near the trees outside the examination hall and even from where Jaebum stands he can see the affectionate look on Mark’s face while the older watches Youngjae speak. Did Mark just give Youngjae a bouquet of flowers – wait – are they roses? Youngjae’s sniffing the flowers happily now and Mark reaches out to pat Youngjae’s head lovingly.

Something builds in the space between Jaebum’s ribs. He can feel it – burning and choking his insides and his hands automatically covers his mouth but it’s already too late. A sharp pain blooms in his chest and he gasps, hand fisted on his sweater. White flowers burst from Jaebum’s mouth and they plop wetly on the floor. Blood drips down on Jaebum’s chin continuously as he coughs out more flowers. The flowers shoot up so fast it leaves no room for Jaebum to breathe.

Jaebum first hears Jinyoung’s frantic yelling of _Jaebum! Jaebum! Jaebum-ah!_ Jinyoung’s hands are on his shoulders now and he hears Yugyeom shouting at his phone, _Ambulance! We need an ambulance! Hurry!_ Their remaining classmates are now staring at them. Panic courses through Jaebum’s body and he can’t focus on anything right now. They’re all staring at the flowers – he can’t – he needs to leave – Youngjae’s with – it’s too late –

“Jaebum-ah!!! Oh my god! Jaebum-ah!!!”

Jaebum knows that booming voice. 

Youngjae slides to his knees in front of Jaebum and his hands immediately moves to grab Jaebum’s shoulders away from Jinyoung’s hold, “Jaebum-ah! What happened?!” Youngjae shrieks, eyes glassy with tears that are threatening to fall down any minute.

Jaebum doesn’t know if he wants to feel happy that Youngjae’s here or if he wants to disappear instead because Youngjae’s not supposed to see him this way – it’s not supposed _to be_ this way.

Jaebum’s mind drifts back to the time he first told Jinyoung that he has the Hanahaki. It was in the morning, before Jaebum picks up Youngjae from their house so they can go together to the fancy Korean restaurant where Yugyeom’s set to treat them in exchange for their notes.

_“It’s Youngjae,” Jinyoung states matter-of-factly._

_“How’d you know?” Jaebum asks calmly, not surprised that Jinyoung knows._

_“Even the blind can probably see there’s something going on between you and Youngjae. I have come to accept the fact that aside from Yugyeom, you two are also idiots. I still question myself until now why I’m friends with you three.”_

_Jaebum smiles, what a classic line from Jinyoung._

_“You and Youngjae have this undeniable chemistry that I can’t describe, ”Jinyoung adds, “If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing.”_

_“What?”_

_Jinyoung sighs._

_“Timing.”_

_Timing, huh? Jaebum ponders silently_

_“But remember, Jaebum-ah,” Jinyoung continues with a warning tone, “Timing is a bitch.”_

_Timing is a bitch,_ Jaebum agrees regretfully, as he laughs scornfully to himself thinking how he even mocks Jinyoung that time for watching too many American TV Series.

“Jaebum-ah?” Youngjae shakes Jaebum’s shoulders when Jaebum doesn’t respond for too long.

“Why are you here?” Jaebum manages to utter in between coughs.

“Jaebum-ah we need to rush you to the hospital!“ Youngjae yells.

“N-no! Why are you here?” Jaebum asks again.

“Jaebum-“

“Why are you here?!” Jaebum’s tone is demanding now, angry even.

“Because you’re here! _Dying!_ ,” Youngjae cries hysterically, “And you need help! Please Jaebum-ah!”

Jaebum closes his eyes.

“Jaebum-ah, who is it?!” Youngjae asks, voice trembling. “Who did you fall in love with?”

Jaebum swallows hard, trying to stop another wave of flowers from coming out of him.

“Please tell me, Jaebum-ah!” Youngjae pleads. “Is it Suzy? Or is it someone else? We’ll get them to meet you, get to know you and we’ll make sure it’s perfect so she’ll fall in love with you too. We’ll book the fanciest Korean restaurant in town with Yugyeom’s help, Jinyoung can help you make those cheesy poems, I can sing and play the piano during your date – “ Youngjae continues to mumble incoherent words as he tries to control his sobs, “- It’ll be like those from the movies o-or fairytales. We-we’ll do everything…we’ll make sure she’ll love you back…just…don’t die on me here…please.”

Jaebum can’t stand it anymore because, _who else could it be?_ He flings his arms away from Youngjae’s hold and sees the hurt that flashes through Youngjae’s eyes. It was immediately replaced by shock when Jaebum raises both his hands, cradling Youngjae’s face gently, his thumbs delicately wiping away the tears spilling mercilessly from Youngjae’s eyes.

_I love you, I really love you,_ Jaebum thinks as he softly caresses Youngjae’s cheeks. Jaebum puts a hand at the back of Youngjae’s neck before he tugs Youngjae forward, pressing their foreheads together. Jaebum takes a deep, sharp breath and lets his eyes fall shut.

“It’s you, Youngjae. I’m hopelessly in love with you.”

Jaebum’s words are uttered barely above whisper and into the sparse distance between their mouths and Youngjae seem to stop breathing. The examination hall is stunned into silence. Jaebum lifts his head slowly, and upon seeing the dumbfounded look on Youngjae’s face, still has the audacity to burst into a short laughter despite his condition.

Jaebum wants to tease Youngjae with, _how dense can you be?_ But he can feel his remaining energy slipping away from his body.

And then he passes out.

  


* * *

  


When Youngjae first experienced the tell-tale signs of the Hanahaki, he knows he can’t deny his feelings anymore.

When Youngjae first threw up light red petals, he knows he’s the one who’s going to suffer of heart ache. 

When Youngjae first saw the black and white slides showing the flowers blooming rapidly in his chest, he knows he’s the one going to die. 

Not Jaebum.

Youngjae’s eyes fall to the bed, to the sight of Jaebum lying unconsciously after they rushed him to the hospital. Youngjae’s sitting on the chair beside the bed, watching Jaebum like a hawk, hoping to see any sign that Jaebum will be fine – that Jaebum will wake up soon.

Youngjae closes his eyes, hands on his lap praying, _please wake up, please wake -_

“Youngjae?” a voice croaks out.

Youngjae opens his eyes and sees Jaebum staring at him, a soft look adorning his face.

“Jaebum-ah?!” Youngjae stands and goes near the bed, eyes scanning Jaebum’s whole body frantically, “How are you feeling? A-are you in pain? Wai-wait, ho-hold on I’ll call Dr. Ki-“ Youngjae turns around, heading for the door, but then he feels Jaebum’s hand on his wrist.

“Don’t go.” Jaebum says in a pleading manner.

Youngjae swallows a sudden lump he feels in his throat.

“Stay.”

Youngjae slowly moves to sit back on the chair but Jaebum suddenly makes a space on the bed, his right hand holding his blanket up, gesturing for Youngjae to lie down with him. When Youngjae feels Jaebum’s hand tightening on his wrist, he knows there’s no room for argument. He’s probably going to be scolded by the nurse when he sees him sharing the bed with a patient.

Youngjae’s now lying down stiffly next to Jaebum, his eyes set on the white ceiling. It’s awkward and Youngjae wants to move back to the chair but before he could do so, he feels Jaebum’s arm wrapping tightly around his shoulders, with the other pulling him close by the waist. Soon, Jaebum’s chin is propped comfortably on top of Youngjae’s head, with the latter’s hair slightly brushing the former’s neck. Youngjae’s snuggled close to Jaebum now, feeling their chest rising and falling together and their breaths in unison. The feel of Jaebum’s body so close to him soothes Youngjae more than he expects to and he clings to Jaebum firmly, reveling on his warmth.

“I love you, too.” Youngjae says with a muffled voice, his head still on Jaebum’s chest.

Youngjae feels Jaebum’s breathing stop for a second.

“It can’t be. How about Mark?”

Youngjae slowly lifts his head to look at Jaebum in the eyes, “Mark’s just a friend. It’s all a misunderstanding. Jinyoung fills me in on what happened before I saw you coughing blood and flowers back in the examination hall.”

When Jaebum bows down slightly to meet Youngjae’s stare, Youngjae knows Jaebum’s still processing what he said. Youngjae knows, he _has to know,_ because, he too, feels like it’s only a dream. They’ve been harboring feelings for each other all this time and they’re _just too dumb_ and _too scared_ to talk about it.

Still holding Jaebum’s gaze, Youngjae notices that Jaebum has really long lashes for a boy. His eyes take in the two moles adorning Jaebum’s eyelids. It’s the first time Youngjae’s seeing them closely and he can’t help but smile because never in his life did he imagine being _this_ close to Jaebum to properly admire them. Youngjae notices the lock of hair that fell forward over Jaebum’s forehead and he raises his hands to brush them away. Jaebum’s hair is as soft as he imagined it to be and Youngjae realizes how intimate this moment is for them and he suddenly feels like crying. Youngjae retracts his hand away from Jaebum so he could cover his face because _after a long time of pinning, and hoping, and praying, his feelings finally reached Jaebum._

Jaebum pulls Youngjae’s hand away from his face so he can brush his thumb lightly over Youngjae’s cheek. Jaebum leans forward, raining kisses all over Youngjae’s face. From Youngjae’s forehead, he moves down to Youngjae’s slightly wet eyelids, next on Youngjae’s plump cheeks and then on the bridge of Youngjae’s nose. Youngjae tilts his face up to meet Jaebum’s lips that are slightly hovering on top of his when -

“Ahem!” A voice echoes from a distance and Jaebum and Youngjae break apart in an instant, sitting up straight out of surprise.

Standing by the door is Jinyoung with a Cheshire cat smile, satisfied of what he just interrupted. On his sides are Yugyeom who covers his eyes with both his hands screaming _Oh my god my eyes! My eyes! I need to cleanse my eyes!_ and Mark who’s looking at them with a teasing smirk.

“Ya! Park Jinyoung!” Jaebum shouts, embarrassment evident on his red face.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Jinyoung apologizes but all of them knows he’s not sorry at all, “But this is a hospital, please do your thing somewhere else. Have an ounce of decency, Jaebum-ah.”

Jinyoung decides to prop himself on the chair beside the bed. Meanwhile, Yugyeom and Mark choose to sit comfortably on the couch across it.

“I guess you idiots finally sorted things out.” Jinyoung tells Jaebum and Youngjae, waggling his eyebrows. 

“Hey! I can’t believe no one told me about Jaebum and Youngjae having the Hanahaki! Even my mom knows Youngjae has it!” Yugyeom complains from where he is seated, upset that he is being left in the dark all this time.

"You too?” Jaebum turns to face Youngjae.

Youngjae simply nods in response. There are a lot of things that needs to be explained between the two of them, but it’s enough knowing that they have each other from now on.

“You’re just dumb.” Jinyoung retorts to Yugyeom and it’s enough to send Jaebum in fits of joyful laughter. A few white petals fall from his mouth and onto his lap. They’re all small and limp, turning brown almost immediately. Youngjae sees this so he holds Jaebum’s left hand, giving it a light squeeze. Jaebum looks at Youngjae, giving him a reassuring smile in return.

Jinyoung witnesses all of this and there’s a sudden glint of mischief in his eyes. There’s no way he’s going to let any opportunity pass when it comes to teasing Jaebum, even if it means embarrassing Youngjae too in the process. Jinyoung looks at Mark pointedly and the older catches on, chuckling heartily. Yugyeom just looks back and forth among Jaebum, Youngjae, Jinyoung and Mark, clueless of what’s happening.

“You know Youngjae, our Jaebumie here,” Jinyoung starts and he can already see the panic in Jaebum’s eyes, “throws tantrums like a baby whenever you hang out with Mark-hyu – “

“I was thinking of Nora – “

“ – and you should’ve seen the jealousy in Jaebum’s face when you clung to Mark-hyung after he takes over in cooki-“

“You were jealous?!” Youngjae asks as he stares at Jaebum, a look of disbelief etched on his face.

“In my defense, you were all about _Mark-hyung’s the best! Mark-hyung’s so cool! I’m going to meet Mark-hyung!_ Mark looks like he likes you too so I thought I have competition – “

“It’s Mark- _hyung_ to you Jaebum-ah” Jinyoung reminds Jaebum.

Youngjae can hear Mark’s high-pitched laugh from the couch coupled by Jinyoung’s monotonous one but he can’t focus on those right now because Jaebum was – is – _jealous_ of him and Mark.

“B-but Mark-hyung can’t possibly like me because he underwent the surgery!” Youngjae blurts out unconsciously.

The room falls into dead silence and everyone’s eyes settle at Mark. Realizing what he revealed, Youngjae apologizes to Mark profusely.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Mark-hyung, I’m sorry!”

Mark shakes his head and calmly tells Youngjae, “It’s alright. I’m not ashamed of what I did so it’s no big deal.”

The room is quiet after that so Jaebum’s the first to speak up, “Even if Mark- _hyung_ ” Jaebum puts an emphasis on the word ‘hyung’ while looking at Jinyoung, “did the surgery, who knows? He might feel something again, might fall in love with someone again! No one knows what the future holds for everyone so there’s a possibility that it might happen.”

Youngjae and Mark share a knowing look at that.

Jaebum notices that so he continues to bring Youngjae’s attention back to him, “Besides, I believe in miracles.”

Youngjae pokes Jaebum’s shoulder upon hearing Jaebum’s revelation and snickers, “Miracles, huh? I didn’t know you believe in miracles?”

Oh, so Youngjae’s teasing him now. _Two can play this game,_ Jaebum thinks.

“How can I not? When the greatest miracle of my life happened today.” Jaebum declares, raising their intertwined hands together for Jinyoung, Mark and Yugyeom – especially _Yugyeom_ who’s busy texting someone in his phone – to see.

Youngjae blushes while Jinyoung and Yugyeom make exaggerated gagging noises with Mark’s high-pitched laugh reverberating around the room.

“Oh my god, I feel like puking my guts!” Jinyoung wheezes loudly and Youngjae fears the nurses will come running at this room with all the noise.

Yugyeom places a hand on his chest, clutching it tightly in mock disgust, “I can’t stand this anymore. I’ll leave you guys alone! I’m going to meet a new friend today. It’s better than watching you being all over each other.”

“The Thai friend?” Jinyoung inquires.

“Yes.”

“I’ll go ahead, too. I’m picking up a friend from Hong Kong in the airport. It has been a while since we have seen each other so I don’t want to be late.” Mark says, walking towards the door with Yugyeom.

Jinyoung stands up. “Don’t leave me here with these two love birds!,” Jinyoung shouts before facing Jaebum and Youngjae again for the last time before he leaves, “I guess I’ll tag along with Mark-hyung and expand _my_ circle of friends! I can’t be with idiots for too long.”

Yugyeom and Mark are already outside and Jinyoung’s about to close the door when Jaebum yells, “Hey! Hey! Hey! Jinyoung!” 

“What?” Jinyoung’s voice is laced with mild annoyance.

“Have you seen my backpack?”

Don’t expect me to look after _you_ and _your things_ Jaebum-ah,” Jinyoungs rolls his eyes, “You would notice it’s on the other side of the bed if you’re not busy sucking faces with Youngjae.”

Jinyoung closes the door with a loud _thud._

Now that Jaebum and Youngjae are left alone in the room, the awkwardness is back and Youngjae has no idea how to break it. Jaebum then turns to the other side of the bed to reach for his backpack and when he gets a hold of it, starts rummaging the inside in an instant.

“What are you looking for?” Youngjae asks curiously.

“Hold on a bit, will you close your eyes?”

Youngjae sends a suspicious look at Jaebum even if he knows the other won’t see it, but he did what he was told to do.

There’s a slight noise coming from where Jaebum’s backpack hits the ground and, did Youngjae just smell _flowers?_

“Youngjae, you can open your eyes now.”

When Youngjae opens his eyes, he’s expecting something in front of him, but what he sees is Jaebum sweating nervously, and with the way his hands are behind his back, Youngjae knows he’s hiding something, 

“Jaebum-ah, what is it?” Youngjae asks expectantly.

“I shouldn’t be doing this here. I wanted everything to perfect…to be romantic. You know how it is in the movies, right? You and I standing in the middle of a deserted street, with only the street lamp or the stars above the sky to serve as our light…” Jaebum swipes his tongue across his lips nervously, _this is going to get really cheesy._

Youngjae tilts his head slightly in confusion, not sure what Jaebum is trying to say and Jaebum thinks in torment, _can he stop being so cute for just a second?_

“But nothing is going my way. I’m sorry, but this can’t... _I_ can’t wait any longer.”

Jaebum whips out a bouquet of white flowers from his back so fast Youngjae couldn’t make out what it is at first.

The bouquet’s ruined. The ribbon’s not quite tied properly around the plastic that covers the stems and many of the flowers have wilted from being stored inside Jaebum’s backpack for too long. But Youngjae’s not paying any mind to that because, _how many times has he dreamt about this? Jaebum giving him flowers with a hand behind his head and a sheepish expression adorning his handsome face?_

“They’re chrysanthemums.”

Youngjae’s eyes widen.

_Oh._

“Yugyeom mentioned it once, when he’s going around warning everyone of the ‘Hanahaki plague’. The flowers a person throws up are different from everyone. So I tried to look it up on the internet, and when I found out what mine are, I knew instantly that it’s you I fell in love with.”

Jaebum picks a single white chrysanthemum from the bouquet, spinning it playfully between his fingers before placing it behind Youngjae’s left ear, “Chrysanthemums are the symbol of the sun and…” Jaebum pauses, before leaning in close to Youngjae and letting their foreheads touch, “how fitting for you Youngjae, how fitting,” he whispers.

Jaebum slips his arm around Youngjae’s waist, pressing Youngjae close against him. Youngjae wraps his arms around Jaebum’s neck and he notes how they’re a perfect fit, just as he always dreams they would be. 

“You haven’t said anything. Are you mad?” Jaebum asks.

“I always have been,” Youngjae murmurs, “Mad about you…”

Ever so slowly the distance between their lips disappears. In that one tingling moment, the past and every painful memory that comes along with it, melted completely away. 

As the world continues to spin rapidly outside, there’s a love slowly blossoming from inside a small hospital room – uninterrupted.

**Author's Note:**

> This month is really a battle of /feels/ between 2Jae and MarkJae for me ;_;
> 
> Please let me know what you think either in the comment section or on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sunspritecyj)!
> 
> Thanks for reading and have a happy holidays!


End file.
